New Years... expectations and resolutions...

I guess it should come as no surprise that I'll be spending this New Years Eve alone. I'm dating a musician and a good one at that. Still... he was supposed to play locally so I had hope. It's interesting, isn't it, how that NYE kiss at midnight has passed from tradition straight into superstition? I'm not sure what bad thing is supposed to happen... but some HORRIBLE fate awaits those without a responsive pair of lips for that midnight between December the 31st and January 1st. Here's what I expect out of my NYE now. I'll probably hang out with my gay boyfriends in a club... get hugs and kisses from friends and be home by 12:30. I don't want to spend my last holiday freebie day off with a hangover... so I don't want to drink too much. I'll have a good time but probably not a GREAT time on my New Years Eve without Keith... I'll get a call from him for my midnight, though probably not for his since he'll be playing.

I want something from this brand New Year... I want to find a direction. It seems my newly earned BA gets me nowhere. I've got to decide what direction (educationally) I should enhance myself in order to live a satisfied and hopefully more prosperous life. Oh... and I hereby resolve to try to fold AND put away the laundry as it comes from the dryer instead of waiting untill I have a ginormous mountain of laundry (credit goes to Keith for creating this un productive habit!!).

So I hope every one I know has a wonderous NYE, just enought Champagne, and no headache for your Bowl game watching enjoyment!!

Happy New Year..

Lauren

All I want for christmas is....

Ok not my two front teeth.. I got those a long time ago, and i don't think it was at Christmas time. What is it about growing up that makes you change the kinds of things you want? When you're a kid all you really want is toys. No matter what your age there are ALWAYS toys marketed for you. I could want an I-Pod or a lap top, a flat screen TV or jewelry. I don't deny that if someone should want to give me those things I'd be really excited but they aren't what i actively want. I want a fence for my dogs, a gas range for my kitchen. I want a job that I love and peace just in my family. I want someone I love to snuggle up with, and cold doggie noses in the morning to wake me. Thankfully i have that someone to snuggle with, and my corgi kisses anytime i want them. Peace has never been achieved in my family..too much missdirected passion... so I'll just hope for a truce. The gas range would be nice but I can live without.... So I guess my biggest wish is for a fence... my angels would love to have it and it would make them so much safer. Here are the reasonable gifts I'd like should anyone ask.

-Home depot cards... towards that fence or other home projects
-TJ Maxx Cards.. can you say HomeGoods?!?!
-Ornaments for my tree... I have my first real tree this year and the ornaments are kind of impersonal (I really want a corgi ornament!!)
-picture frames or albums
-Happy Legs (for those of you who don't know its a dog training device)
-old Julia Roberts movie "Something to Talk About"
- any CSI or Law and Order season (except SVU season 4 got it)

So anyway, there is not much I don't have that I really need and the love and time I get to have with my family and friends it worth more than anything I could ask for.

La

Why don't we get drunk and....!?!? View from the Audience

Oh my!! I spent the weekend nights down town watching Keith play at a bar on Printers Alley. The bars he usually plays downtown on the Broadway strip are older vacationers and yuppie 20 somthing locals catching some local culture. Printer's Alley is a different story. Long known for the none too classy Brass Stables "show bar" (a very tactful euphemism for a strip joint) and the run down musician's hang out Fiddle and Steel, the clientele is, in general, a little rougher. Even the 20 something yuppies who venture into Printer's Alley are looking to do something OTHER than mind their manners.

The night started pretty deserted... maybe 6-10 transient patrons in the hours between opening (about 8 pm) and 10 pm. As the night picked up the crowd got drunker. Their were possibly about 35 or 40 people by the end of the night with two notably drunk women left after closing. One had had to be bodily pried of the stage where she'd been grinding on the front man. Both had to be carried out after they couldn't be convinced to leave after closing. The next night the owner of said fine establishment was drunk by 10 pm and continued to drink into oblivion. He made rude, lewd, sexually suggestive, racist and homophobic commentary over the PA. He once again proved the truism : Drunk people should not have microphones... especially remote cordless models that project from far away. They will say ANYTHING to get a reaction.

As is his habit, Keith wowed the owner and the rest of the band. He's been offerred the standing gig... but it remains to be seen if he'll take it. It pays $100 a night, but he works for 8 hours with no break, no tips, and an obnoxious crowd. I hope he gets something else.. he's really worth more, and he's exhausted all weekend.

Greyton Beach 2005-- Heather's wedding 

a few pics... as i try to get used to the editor

Destin Beach 2004

stars and neon lights

I started thinking about the importance of dreaming and practicality. There's the old addage nothing ventured nothing gained. If you don't think big you'll always be common place. Wanting and having are just not the same thing. You have to DO something in order to get there and often you have to give something up in the getting. What if what you have to give up is worth more than what you want... and how do you make that judgement before something precious is lost? Dreaming is a skill.. or perhaps a tallent not shared by all people. Can it be taught or is it inherent? Certainly there are those who dream and succeed against all odd who are never encouraged by anything other than an inner vision. There are those too, who, despite every encouragement and advantage live a life of quiet mediocrity. There is a fine balance between shooting for the stars and being miserable in reality.

I've met a few people who've made a balance between reality and dreaming. Gary Allen (AKA Adam Wade of High Maintenace on Broadway) is one such person. He maintains a family life and a career in finance while pursuing his dream of making music reality. Others jump from one romantic association and drinking binge to another looking for total fulfillment in the musical culture in which they are so totally immersed. Gary/Adam is an anomally, giving up the large venue but dead end performing stage up north for small venue constant local exposure in Nashville in order to have a home life while leaving an opening for his dreams.

I don't have all the answers and I work a job that pays my bills without providing much personal satisfaction. I have a college degree and few dreams for its use. I wish someone could teach me to dream.

The Bra Burners did it...

The world has become a nasty place full of hostility anger and agression.. Friendly advice is taken as the harshest criticism and the hand regarded suspiciously as a potential slap in the face. People blame their fast paced lives, work stress, the rat race, and bills for their rotten interpersonal realations. We'd rather get "assertive" than say please, raise our voices rather than find the root of a problem. People are just MEAN.

It might have begun with the advent of militant feminism. I'm not saying that I'd give up my right to vote, and sometimes nothing looks better than a nice pair of slacks. There were times, I know, when women had to stand up and make a statement. I do get that, but there isn't a girl alive who looks better WITHOUT a bra. The big boobs should fight gravity, the little ones could use the false advertising, and medium sized... well I suppose you could make a case for the young ones, but really why take a chance that one day you'll be toting tennis balls in tube socks? I'm not a feminist and though I do believe in equal rights and responsibilities I still expect chivalry. Maybe its a throwback to my southern heritage and fairy tales of an often fictitous era, the myth of Scarlett O'Hara's old South, but I still expect men and even boys to be gentlemen. I still think he should open a door, still think he should pay for the FIRST date, still enjoy flowers, don't mind if he orders for me (as long as he tries to consider my preferences first...).

I think the traditional roles don't bind us so much as direct us in courtesy. There is a whole generation growing up raised in an atmosphere without gender roles. They're rude, they don't use real grammar, they don't respect authority and they have entitlement issues. The rate of violent crime for girls is escalating at an an alarming rate. Somehow the confinement of what it means to "act like a lady" is much more desirable. There was a time when parents of all socio- economic backgrounds expected and enforced the same level of discipline and respect. Now however the public schools allow lax behavior and only some of the strictest private schools have strict honor and dress codes. Many parents quit trying and the result is defiant, ill-mannered, discourteous and even aggressive children, teens and young adult quickly approaching young adulthood.

I say keep your bra on, wear a dress every now and then and guys... I know its expensive but buy the FIRST dinner. Girls know its expensive and if she doesn't offer to help pay after that or treat you occasionally get rid of her, but DO be a gentleman. Its funny that with all my very SOUTHERN expectations, MY gentleman came from Iowa.

Two big things the last week or so. Heather's wedding was the first. I really didn't think she'd ever get married. She's beautiful, wild and, before now, untamed. The wedding was on the beach and was really very short and simple. It's amazing how powerful, even elemental is anything set against the fierce and dangerous beauty of the ocean. The groom's family is from Lousiana so ther were a few displaced family members in attendance. The rehearsal dinner was homemade jambalya and spicy steamed shrimp. It was a pleasure to share good food with new family and old friends. I was really surprised that so many had traveled so far to an out of town wedding. The only sour note on an altogether pleasant trip was that one of the groom's married friends singled me out as a likely prospect for some after dark private time, I suppose since I was the only apparently unattached young female there. That would be bad enough, but then I found out that he had a wife not in attendance who'd just delivered their third child. Such shameful behavior and such an affront to the vows just made by the bride and groom. Mickey, Heather's husband seems just besotted with her. Its an old fashioned word but the only one that comes to mind when you see the way he looks at her. There were tears in his eyes, threatening to spill out as he gave her his vows, and the silly grin he had all night said he'd won the lottery. Every bride deserves such adoration. I hope Heather treasures what she finally found.

The other big thing, of course, is Keith going to England. The getting ready for it was traumatic for him. Keith is a details guy and not knowing the details nearly drove him nuts. After the long and sleepless flight to Germany, Mom suggested he do what many world travlers do and take a valium with his dinner tray and sleep the flight away. He kept meaning to ask his heart doctor about drug interactions but waited till the very last day when, predictably, he couldn't get anyone live on the other end of the line in Iowa. He did finally find out, after much concerted effort, that it was fine to take the sleepy pill... and then decided not to upon discovery that an England flight takes only 6 hours. Oh well, now he knows.

Working for one's parents has to be one of those less than ideal situations. I am so greatful that I had the opportunity to step into the receptionist postion in their office. The timing was perfect for our needs both on their end (having lost their employee) and on mine (having graduated and needing insurance quickly). However its really hard to work for someone that you have so much sympathy for. When they have a bad day, I'm more stressed out for worrying not only about how I'll be affected, but about their problems as well. It's impossible to keep your head down and just do your job.

Party, party, party!!

I'm so excited about the party! Keith's Band going to Germany Hit & Run is going to be playing so he'll have a good time no matter what. He thought it was hilarious that I managed to find zebra striped invitations. I can't help it... its so me. He'll have to be careful though because he likes the way my zebra rug looks under his drums a little too much.... he might be the next so drawn to zebra.... Tangent!! Anyway... I'm glad I'm not responsible for much for the party except providing the guest list. With my attrocious handwriting its about all I can do to turn out the thank you notes neatly. Hmmm but I'm prbably going to show helpful intrest in the food and drink...

Dogshows have gotten a little frustrating lately as well as the people in them. The politics have gotten old and trying to finish Paddy has gotten expensive. I'm contemplating hiring a pro handler to finish the job quickly... hopefully some time off will renew my enthusiasm.

Mom and Keith and I started painting the hallway bathroom and kitchen yesterday. Keith made it through 1 wall in the kitchen before turning his efforts to his gardening education on NPT in the livingroom couch. He held down the very important job of holding down the couch and soothing Paddy and Drew for the rest of the day. My handyman!! The walls look lovely covering the scary colors painted by the previous tenents. The intresting texture they did with the plaster in the kitchen looks a little bit tuscan with the golden color on the walls... maybe we can make it look like it was intentional rather than the misguided efforts of an amateur home decorator... ok maybe not.

I went and watched Keith play with a new guy named Dustin Bogue last night. About the best things that can be said about the experience are that it was just around the corner from our house, the hamburger was good, and he made good money. It was, however, the diviest dive ever. Of course the inevitable redneck sat down beside me, and in the course of trying to pressure me to dance decided I was not only sad but heart broken. He was shocked to findout that i was the happy but tired girlfriend of the drummer.

TTFN!!

A brave new world...

Wow... what a dramatic way to end my college career. I don't know anyone else who manages to miss exams and and gradution with a 5 day hospital stay. I think I would MUCH rather have taken exams. It really is amazing how UNHELPFUL college professors are. I missed exams because I was sicker than I've been in my entire life and it took 2 weeks to track down professor, and another week to get together with them. Even then some waited down to the wire to post my grades... I narrowly missed not graduating because of deadlines. Better Late than NEver... is what my graduation party invitations say... funny little double entendre with my late graduation and the six years it took to get my degree.

On a lighter note it looks like the party will be fun. The band that Keith is in with Tim McDonald going to Germany, Hit and Run, is going to play for the party. That combined with family (never a dull moment with my bunch) and friends (wow that will be an interesting mix) ought to make for a wild time.

Job hunting sucks. Its amazing that a liberal arts degree accords enough knowlege that I SOUND smarter than most and yet on paper its nearly useless for job hunting. What do you DO with a degree in ENGLISH??? I guess we'll find out.